Why I Started Painting

 

Ever since I was little, art felt like a part of who I was. I still remember being in first grade and hearing the question every kid gets asked: "What do you want to be when you grow up?" While other kids were saying doctors, teachers, or astronauts, my answer was always the same - an artist.

And somehow, through every stage of my life, that answer never really changed.

I loved everything about art growing up. Drawing in notebooks during class, coloring for hours, painting anything I could get my hands on - it was the one thing that made me feel connected to myself. Art was never just something to pass time. It felt natural to me, almost like breathing.

As I got older, life became harder to cope with.

I struggled heavily with depression throughout my teenage years, and honestly, it's something I still struggle with in adulthood. Depression has a way of draining the motivation out of everything, even the things you love most. There were long periods where I couldn't create anything at all. I wanted to paint. I wanted to draw. But the energy just wasn't there.

Ironically, the only times inspiration seemed to find me were late at night - usually around 2 a.m., when the world was quiet and everyone else was asleep. Something about those hours felt safe to me. Just me, my thoughts, and whatever I was creating in that moment.

Painting gives me a feeling that's honestly hard to explain unless you've experienced it yourself.

My sister loves ASMR because it relaxes her and gives her peace. Painting feels like that for me. Every brush stroke slows my mind down. Every layer of paint pulls me back into the present moment. There's a stillness in it that I can't really find anywhere else. When I paint, the outside world fades for a while and all that exists is the canvas in front of me.

I was also a very quiet kid growing up. I mostly kept to myself and never really had many friends. I spent a lot of time in my own head. But one person who truly saw something in me was my Sophomore year art teacher.

To this day, I still remember how much she encouraged my work.

She was one of the few people who genuinely believed in me and saw potential in me before I could see it myself. She knew I struggled sometimes, especially with finishing projects, but instead of making me feel like a failure for turning things in late, she encouraged me to keep going. She would ask me about the progress of my work because she actually cared about seeing it completed.

I remember her telling me multiple times that my art has so much potential and that she wanted to see where I could take it.

That meant more to me than I think she'll ever know.

Even projects I hated - the ones I thought looked terrible or wanted to give up on - she would still hang them up in the classroom. At the time, I couldn't understand why. I only saw flaws in my work, I still do. But she had this way of making me look at my art differently. Every compliment, every bit of encouragement, every small recognition slowly changed the way I viewed myself as an artist.

Sometimes all it takes is one person believing in you when you don't believe in yourself yet.

Looking back now, I realize art carried me through some of the hardest moments of my life. It became more than creativity. It became grounding.Therapy without words. A place to put emotions I didn't know how to explain out loud.

That's one of the reasons I finally decided to share my work publicly. 

Not because I think everything I create is perfect, and not because I suddenly became confident overnight, but because art has always been the most honest part of me. Every painting holds a pieces of emotions, memories, struggles, healing, and growth that are difficult to explain any other way.

Painting helped me reconnect with myself during times I felt disconnected from everything else.

And maybe somewhere along the way, my art can help someone else feel understood too.

- J. Pruett

Photo credit; 

<a href="https://www.magnific.com/free-ai-image/expert-carpenter-creates-art-using-old-wood-generated-by-ai_41667991.htm">Image by vecstock on Magnific</a>